I find myself getting excited in anticipation of spending a few days with one of my best friends.
We met in the Fall, on the first day of University, during registration and have shared clothes, classes, living spaces, the occasional date, many a laugh, special events and the gentle passage of time.
We have held each other’s babies and been there through the tears, and tumultuous teenage years.
Now, we listen to each other’s health woes with humour and grace. She elevates me and we make each other laugh!
I feel incredibly blessed to have such a dear friend and the ability to spend time with her.
Boomers Are Responsible!
My daughter said something the other day that shocked me by the truth of the statement. She said that kids of her age (23) hold us Boomers responsible for all the environmental damage to Canada as we were the first generation that knew the costs that did nothing about it.
I was immediately defensive as I have personally tried very hard to be environmentally responsible, however, this is not the narrative.
As a group, younger Canadians feel deluded, disenfranchised and defrauded by those of us who have pretended we knew what we were doing.
They deserve more, they deserve better!
Its a tradition in the recovery world to celebrate the anniversary of one’s ‘sobriety’ with a cake, like a birthday or anniversary.
I’m excited to say that I have been sober for 21 years today.
I don’t believe I have written much about the years immediately preceding July 2, 1994, that’s for another time, however, I say a prayer of thanks every morning I wake up sober!
love and light
Following from my previous post about my knees hitting the floor, I’m still recovering from my fall and have admitted to myself that yes, in fact, my wrist is still wonky, so off I go to the Drs this pm. Not only that but my whole right side is still very sore in spite of epsom salts baths and ‘taking it easy’. Taking a metaphoric look at the meaning of injuring my right side is the topic for a whole other series of posts!
Perhaps I was a touch reactive when yet again, this time by my husband and in the presence of my 93 year old father who in fact does have a walker, my ‘needing a walker’ was brought up in jest.
Pema Chodron writes about her start as the ‘head person’ at the Buddhist Monastery in Nova Scotia, where she came face to face with her own stuff. I still enjoy reading her description of doing the dishes and being angry at the person who never did their share and re-read this portion frequently.
Down there on the pavement, I was face to face with ‘my stuff’; my flash temper, my reactivity, hypocrisy, attachments, cravings, judgements. If taking a tumble wasn’t enough, I have my family to help keep me humble.
Yes, our real spiritual work is allowing ourselves to accept our darkness, our reactivity, our ‘warts’, our areas of dissonance, not only accept but make friends with, and have compassion for. Ah, and in this, there is peace!
in love and peace,
I posted the following quote on FB the other day, never thinking I would literally go through it.
Yup, it happened.
“Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart:
a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor.”
~ Marianne Williamson
So, I’m out for my walk yesterday, still processing all the recent health diagnosis that are too frightfully boring and ‘chronic’ and ‘rare” and ‘serious’ feeling to go in to and walking daily is what I love but also part of my ‘healthy living plan” (Oh God, Ive become one of those older people) and thinking about which car was in the driveway while looking ahead at said driveway and not on the ground and I turned an ankle on a stone perfectly round like a squash ball and down I went, on my knees and arm and wrist and shoulder and holy F*%K, it hurt like the be jeesus. Luckily I carry my iPhone with me, so I can measure my peak heart rate so I called middle daughter to help and of course she did (daughter number one got in a comment about a walker before I told her where to put her that nonsense) and one of them had a comment about me not wearing my glasses.
This quote now makes so much more sense, Marianne was out for a walk without her glasses and tripped and fell!
All joking aside, it is true; as I lay there in considerable physical and emotional pain, of being ill, of getting older, of being in a failing marriage, of being one of those people I said I would never become (how did I think I could avoid health issues?), something in me let go, released, shook free and I don’t know that I feel noble, however, my knees certainly hit the floor, in this case pavement, I do feel humble and like my world has fallen apart and I guess I can see a glimmer of beauty and a little bubble of a giggle as I listen to my daughter with the dry sardonic wit describe the event to her sisters (‘yeh, I had to help her up, she was a mess, she was wailing like a newborn baby’, which we will have soon in the family) and in all of this perhaps the beauty is that of authentic raw vulnerability. I’m just like everybody else, I feel, I hurt, I need help and in that I feel compassion, I feel universal pain, I feel universal hurt, I feel universal compassion. We are all the same and there’s the beauty.
I read this poem on facebook and it called to me very deeply. I tried to learn more about the poet
‘d. antoinette foy’ and I believe this talented individual to be alive and actively writing.
‘She was the girl who
bit the horizon.
The one who peeled
Stars from the sky
And put them on her tongue.
She was the girl
who was hungry
for the entire universe;
The one who craved
the taste of magic.’
d. antoinette foy from Facebook
To be a spiritual warrior, one must have a broken heart. Without a broken heart and the sense of tenderness and vulnerability that is in one’s self and all others, your warriorship is untrustworthy.
~ Chogyam Trungpa, Shambhala
“You build inner strength through embracing the totality of your experience, both the delightful parts and the difficult parts. Embracing the totality of your experience is one definition of having loving-kindness for yourself. Loving-kindness for yourself does not mean making sure you’re feeling good all the time-trying to set up your life so that you’re comfortable every moment. Rather, it means, setting up your life so that you have time for meditation and self reflection, for kindhearted, compassionate self honesty. In this way you become more attuned to seeing when you’re biting the hook, when you’re getting caught in the undertow of emotions, when you’re grasping and when you’re letting go. This is the way you become a true friend to yourself just as you are, with both your laziness and your bravery. There is no step more important than this.”
Pema Chodron from Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change
When times are turbulent and emotions jumbled, I turn to the writings of Pema Chodron and find peace and serenity.
The drought is over, creative juices are beginning to flow, I do believe I am ready to start writing again!
Thankfully the drought has provided a host of interesting topics!
And, I’m singing Neil Youngs’ ‘Because I’m Still In Love With You’