Archive for the ‘articles’ Category

 

I seem to be reading about leadership everywhere these days, and I love it!

I had a wonderful surprise with starting Steve Farber’s new book, which I down loaded on my ipad and started reading yesterday.  I don’t want to say much more, other than ‘do the same’ as I may spoil your surprise.  What I resonated with, in addition to the words, was a sense of Steve’s presence and the personal touch that made the experience of reading the book exceptional for me.

This morning on LinkedIn, one of the articles (from Forbes) was entitled “New Leaders: To Make Your Mark, Do Nothing” and it spurred my thinking to the area of ‘mistakes’ or ‘do overs’.

As a leader, I have made tons of mistakes and experience many OS!Moments!  One of my main mistake and the biggest thing I would like to ‘do over’, is to “do nothing” in an organization for about 6 months or longer.  This would give me a chance to get a sense of the culture, the people, the informal rules, the energy of the system, so to speak.  It would also clearly say that my personality, my energy is only a small part of the whole system and would speak to a collaborative leadership style.

I wonder too, if due to the gender divide and the history of an imbalance in women, success and power relative to our male counterparts, women are more afraid than men to make mistakes in leadership and err on safety?  Does being safe as a leader mean being stagnant as an organization?

I would love to hear from women leader’s as to what your main ‘mistake’/'do over’ would be!  Please share!  From our sharing, we can learn, grow and support each other!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

 

Women’s Leadership Tip

Continuing the discuss of the ‘being’ and ‘doing’ of women’s leadership…

Leadership can and should be crazy, magic, awful and wonderful, just like life!

‘What the double hockey sticks’ you may be thinking!

In life, coaches know that the messiness and hard parts are often the ‘gateways’ to amazing personal, spiritual and professional growth!

It is the same with leadership.

Steve Farber, extreme leadership guru and author of ‘Radical Leap: re-energized’ was a keynote speaker at the International Coach Federation Conference I attended in Las Vegas recently. Steve talks about the ‘OS!M’ and this does not refer to open source! He refers to the interplay of love and fear and encourages leaders to experience an ‘oh s#*t!moment’ frequently.

In my experience in coaching and in leadership, these moments are frequent and scary and authentic and real and edgy and if one stays mindful with the process, can catalyze transformation, personally and organizationally!

So, play around with OS!M this week in life and work.

Read more on Steve’s website, click on ‘Pursue the OS!M’

In peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Life & Leadership Quote of the Week!

‘If you do things well, do them better. Be daring, be first, be different, be just’

~ Anita Roddick – Founder of The Body Shop

 

Enjoy your wonderful day and life!

 

In peace and mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

Life Coaching Question of the Week

 

What do you need this week to feel that you are living a life in balance?

Do you need more sleep?  Or perhaps you need an intellectual challenge?  Are you too busy or not busy enough?  Are you meeting your emotional, spiritual, physical, mental and relational needs?  What does it feel like to you to be living a life in balance?  What about living a life out of balance?  Are you addicted to a life of chaos and adrenalin highs?  Are you in a rut?

 

As one can see, there can be a lot to ponder!  The success is in the pondering as much as the discovery of any changes you might wish to make.

 

Enjoy your magnificent week!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

 

 

 

This post is dedicated to all the amazing and empowered women around the world who are joining hands in sisterhood and having a positive impact on our planet and our people!  Deep bows to you!

 

The research on happiness, health and longevity continues to indicate that those most happy are those who feel that they are having a positive impact on others and/or on the planet.

 

Let’s use this time around International Women’s Day March 2012 to celebrate you, your passion and purpose!  Use the following questions to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul!  Feel free to share these questions widely and wildly with your soul-sisters.

 

1.  Gain clarity on those activities, people, issues that you are passionate about supporting.  Use a journal, or vision board, or do some art to tap into your unconscious for messages from your deeper self.

 

2.  Ask and answer the following … “What does my spiritual self need to feel nourished”?

 

3. Determine those daily actions & behaviors that make you feel ‘the most you’, those things that make you ‘feel good in your skin’.

 

4.  Ask and answer ‘ what am I passionate about’?  If you come up with a blank, that’s great too!  Then ask your self ‘how can I unlock my creativity’.  The answers may not come quickly…, give yourself time, over the days, you may get twinges of inspiration and whispers of messages from your soul!

 

5. Engage in random acts of kindness.

 

6.  Really get to know a woman from a culture different to you.

 

7. Every day, start the day with gratitude and by listing all the things that are good and great in your life!

 

To help with this process, you may wish to use the Topaz Lotus Life Crafter 2012!

 

 

May your day be filled with sacred delight and soul-sisterhood!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan the flames.” ~ Rumi

 

 

 

One of the first areas we covered during my coach training was a personal exploration of our life ‘values and needs’ and how these play out in our personal and professional lives and life work balance.

 

For clarity and common understanding:

Values:  Values are the essence of who we are.  Values are principles that you hold to be of worth in your life.  Values are those things considered right, worthwhile, and desirable- the basis of guiding principles and standards.  Values tend to stay the same throughout life and provide the basis for how we live our lives.

A further distillation….

Crystal Values: a value that is so important to you that if it is not incorporated into your life causes your life to shatter.  Think of what happens if you drop a crystal ball.

 

Rubber Values: a value that is important but that can bounce away and then back again without you feeling dissonance.

 

Needs:  Needs are different than values.  A need is ‘a condition or situation in which something is required or wanted.’ (from the ‘free online dictionary’).  Needs change throughout one’s life and life situation.  There is an understanding through the coaching, psychological, emotional, social intelligence fields,  that adults are 100% responsible for ensuring their needs are met in a healthy way.

 

When I start working with a new coaching client, one of the first things we work on is to develop clarity about their values and needs and once there is clarity, the coaching question is:  ’are you living your life from a foundation of clear and strongly held values or from a place of unmet needs.?’  This question often catalyzes a very interesting discussion!

 

The benefit of clarity in values is a strong life foundation from which to make decisions and to act as personal guidance in how you choose friends, a job, a life partner for example.

Dissonance occurs when one’s personal values are out of sync with other elements in one’s life.  A good example of this is in a work situation where an individual has a strongly held value of ‘sustainability’ and protection of the environment and then finds out that their employer is dumping toxic waste.  Another example of this type of dissonance is when a workplace has stated values, however, these are not followed and the actions of the organization are out of sync with the organizations stated values.  This type of dissonance is a common cause of work place and occupational stress.

Values dissonance in one’s personal life often  shows up  most clearly in relationships.  A personal life example of  values dissonance  is illustrated by the ‘new couple’, where one of them strongly values ‘family’ and the other strongly values ‘freedom & flexibility’.  Friction may arise when the value of ‘family’ (Sunday night dinners with the extended family) bumps up against the value of ‘freedom and flexibility’ (freedom to ‘on the spur of the moment’ take weekends off to go hiking) for example.

 

So, values are involved in how we live and needs are involved in how we act!

 

It is very common to use relationships to try to get our un-met needs met and this is very natural if one is in a relationship that is consciously agreed upon by all, for example in a friendship, a family relationship, a romantic relationship.  It gets much trickier in the work situation as the relationships are tacitly agreed upon.

Some of the classic examples are folks using their work relationships  with colleagues to meet their un-met need for ‘emotional connection’ and companionship in their personal life, using an older colleague to help meet unmet needs for ‘nurturing’ from parents, using the organization to help meet unmet needs for ‘recognition’ from one’s family of origin.

You will know if someone is using you to get their un-met needs met if you feel an ‘energy drain’ in their presence, like your life force is being literally sucked right out of you.  These folks are sometimes referred to as ‘energy vampires’!  Another way to know if un-met needs are ‘at play’ is if there is a perception of conflict or edginess; the expression that is often used here is that these people are ‘growing up all over each other.’

 

Benefits of having clarity on one’s needs are: you can learn to get your needs met in a respectful and honoring way by integrating them into your career/life; recognize they are a unique part of you; learn to clearly ask for what you need; feel whole and complete when you take responsibility for getting your needs met; maximize life fulfillment by honoring your needs.

 

Having clarity about your values and needs is the key!  Clarity leads to self awareness, self-responsibility and work life balance.

 

Reflect on your values and needs and here’s a life and  leadership coaching tip, write it all down!  Get a special journal or create a new folder in your computer and consider: your life purpose/mission; values (both crystal and rubber); needs; what and who are the people, places, actions and activities that nourish you and deepen your life fulfillment and meaning?

 

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul 

 

“Set your life on fire.  Seek those who fan the flames.” ~ Rumi

 

I have learned that there is a big difference between learning about coaching and leadership; skills, competencies, theories etc and ‘hitting the ground running‘ as a leader of a group, team or organization.

Prior to doing my coach and leadership training, I had held a significant number of  leadership positions, however, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I was formally hired in a management role.  As I imagine many women leaders find, my first few months were a ‘trial by fire’.  In the past three years I have been challenged to use every leadership & coaching skill I have learned and that’s not due to a crisis or emergency; its due to the reality of working  in an intense environment with limited resources and with people who are diverse, creative and amazing… and don’t always agree!

As a result of my life and work experience and my coaching and leadership training, I have designed the Topaz Lotus Leadership Matrix to meet the needs of Women Leaders. Many women leaders have told me that they feel they want to be a better leader, and while they feel competent, they want to broader and deepen their leadership skills.  With the Matrix, I talk about both the ‘being’ and ‘doing’ of leadership for women and over the next few weeks, I will be discussing this further.

The foundation of the ‘doing’ part of leadership in the Topaz Lotus Leadership Matrix is the Legacy Leadership(R) Model, developed by Drs Lee Smith and Jeannine Sandstrom, organizational development specialists.  I have found that this model truly leads to transformational leadership as it encompasses 5 outstanding Best Practices and comes complete with leadership competencies and behaviours!

When I found myself in the midst of my first chaotic crazy challenge at my new work, I came back to the 5 best practices as outlined in Legacy Leadership and found clarity and a solution!

The first ‘best practice’ of the Legacy Leadership model is:

~ ‘Holder of Vision and Values’ its about direction and commitment ~

I have experienced this  leadership ‘best practice’ as vital!  Knowing and holding a collective vision with a work group or organization, anchored by clear, strong and shared values provides a decision making strategy, a road map and a catalyst for forward movement and change.

Stay tuned for more leadership strategies and skills using the Topaz Lotus Leadership Matrix for Women Leaders and feel free to send me your leadership challenges!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

executive & leadership coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

 

I offer you the following thoughts to deepen your mind body spirit connection…

After my meditation this morning, I was reading from “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” by Pema Chodron.

 

I enjoy all her writing and this am, a particular passage struck me, she’s talking about ‘maitri’ or ‘developing loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves.’  She goes on the say ‘ It’s not that we pat ourselves on the back and say “You’re the greatest,” or “Don’t worry, sweetheart, everything is going to be fine.”  Rather, its a process by which self-deception becomes so skillfully and compassionately exposed that there’s no mask that can hide us anymore.’

 

A real life example of this is from my own life.  One of my long held patterns is that when I am hurt, or life becomes too full of conflict or pain, I ‘run away’!  I change jobs, end friendship or withdraw emotionally.  In my daily life, even without something sad going on, I catch myself thinking about vacations and wondering what life would be like where the grass is greener.

 

Recently, since ‘making friends with this pattern’ and deepening maitri, I have been able to lighten up abit and just ‘hang in there longer’.

What I have found with this process is that it feels very scary for me to ‘hang in’, I actually feel like I might die of shame, hurt, pain etc.  But if I stay, a deepening always happens!  By staying I deepen my connection to myself and to those around me.

So, if you wish, try a different pattern the next time you feel strong emotion and see what happens!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

Stressed Again!?

 

Are you feeling stressed?  “Wonderful” your life coach says!

 

Are you surprised at this response?  In our culture we are advised to “get rid of stress”, “make stress go away”, take a stress management program and de-stress.  Many respond to this message but with actions that further the stress or distract them from what is really going on in their lives.  How many of your friends or family members, or perhaps even yourself de-stress with a glass of wine or two or three before dinner, through intense exercise, long hours at work or high adrenaline producing activities?

 

What if we shift perspective to welcoming stress as an opportunity to learn about ourselves, relationships, life patterns and balance in life?

 

When my client’s says that they are feeling stressed, I ask the following questions:

- is stress a daily part of your life or is it transitory?

- what does stress feel like in your body, where does it reside?

- what message is your stress giving you?

- how does stress serve you?

- how does stress not serve you?

- if you weren’t feeling stressed, how would your life be the same and different?

- being stressed allows you to do what….?

- what does your stress keep you from doing?

- how do you want your future to be in regards to stress?

 

Through the ensuing conversation clients often realize that feeling stressed is part of their life pattern and in fact in the past is has helped them accomplish projects and tasks.    Clients often find that they are ‘adrenalin junkies’ and find it tricky to get motivated with out stress and adrenalin.  By mid-life, they usually have found that this pattern isn’t working well for them anymore due to relationship problems or observable health effects of high blood pressure, poor sleep, digestive problems and headaches for example, but don’t know how to “do their life” differently.

 

I suggest that folks “make friends with their stress” and even give it a name. Rather than  try to make the stress go away I encourage my clients to welcome it into their lives and bodies as an opportunity for learning.  In doing this many folks find meaning and messages in their stress as well as find that there is a softening of the area of their body where they generally “hold” their stress.  I also encourage clients to engage in physical activities that are in alignment with ‘getting to know your body’, such as yoga or Tai Chi.  Often this process results in major life changes and in retrospect many say “thank you” to the original stress that was such a powerful  trigger or a catalyst for positive life change.

Enjoy your day!

in peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

 

 

Continuing with the story about women and the heart….

Some background;  for the past 20 years or so, I have been delving into what used to be called ‘New Age Spirituality’, and now I simply call it ‘my spirituality’.  My spirituality feels like a personal and unique blend of Christianity and Buddhism, with hints of other major religions thrown in with a lot of meditation and yoga.  I’ve read many self help, personal development, integral theory, and new age spirituality books.  As a working mom and professional woman, I did a mid-life career shift (after a couple of decades working as a Nutritionist ) and took professional training into life & leadership coaching, using a body centered, whole systems orientation.

About three years ago, my husband informed me that two ‘suspicious spots’ had been seen on his lung.  Not long after, I attended a seminar about critical illness insurance for the self-employed business woman and decided I needed to take out this type of insurance as I had a family history of both cancer and heart disease.  We were in a state of hopeful/hopeless anticipation of the results of his lung biopsy.  To add to the health concern, my husband had also developed pulmonary emboli also known as lung clots, in both lungs.

As one may imagine, I was very worried about my husband, about our family, about how I would support three daughters as a professional woman if my husband died.  My mind utilizes ‘worst case scenarioizing’ very well!  At the time I was 51 years old.

I was also going through menopause and was taking a compounded progesterone for the symptoms.

We had just returned from a sailing trip where we had ‘weathered’ a significant storm of over 40 km per hour winds and where our engine had almost failed, resulting in a very scary couple of hours on the water with an accompanying surge of adrenalin.

To re-cap, between us; we had money worries due to reduced income, health worries, significant additional stress, menopause, three daughters to support and help with college, possible lung cancer, a really bad scare, pulmonary emboli and a recently purchased critical illness policy.  I also found out later that I had undiagnosed ‘essential hypertension’ or high blood pressure. I had ‘gained a few pounds’ over the past years although I regularly exercised, was a non smoker and drinker and ate in a healthy way!  I looked pretty healthy for my age.

I engaged in daily meditation and walks and was reading a lot of Buddhist teachings about ‘keeping the heart open’ and  without actually being trained in the practice, using a breathing practice called tonglen , where you breathe in the pain of the world and breathe out clear healing love.

What happened was that I was ‘broken hearted’!  My heart literally broke!

On a Monday morning after a ‘power walk’ and coffee, I experienced shortness of breath and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  This heavy sensation wasn’t in any way painful, but it was uncomfortable.  I had a tiny bit of pain in my neck and right shoulder.  The ‘heavy’ sensation came and went about three times after which I googled ‘symptoms of a heart attack in women’.  I basically had all the symptoms and had my daughter drive me to the hospital half of me thinking that I was having a panic attack and in my mind, calling myself a ‘drama queen’ and the other half, the holistic health half saying ‘listen to your body and take this seriously’!  I’m very fortunate that I did listen to my inner wisdom and trust my body’s messages!

I was not having a panic attack, I had in fact had a ‘spontaneous coronary artery dissection (SCAD)’, where an flap of tissue from inside my heart artery tore off the wall of the heart and blocked the blood flow, resulting in a heart attack or MI.  I found out later that this type of heart attack is diagnosed in 70% of the cases upon autopsy and is not very common.  It happens more often in women and is associated with stress and changes in hormones and blood pressure. It has sometimes been called  ’Japanese Widows Syndrome’, as when a Japanese woman would suffer a heart attack  and die, just after her husband’s death!  In the hospital, my Cardiologist, Dr. Hamburger said that I had a ‘broken heart’, likely in some part caused by stress about my husband. If you google ‘SCAD’, you will find much more information

This may all sound very sad and upsetting and yes, it is and it was.  However, as a result of all of the above, our lives are better and we will live healthier and longer!  I can summarize the good results as:

- my ‘essential hypertension’ and ‘Syndrome X’ was diagnosed and I am now on appropriate medication.

- my husband was found to have a ‘clotting deficiency’ and likely would have died young from a heart attack but is now on the appropriate medication.

- as a result of thinking he had ‘lung cancer’ (he doesn’t) , my husband’s doctor reacted very quickly to my husband’s back pain (caused by the blood clots in his lung), which likely save his life.

- we both made further major healthy lifestyle changes.

- I received a significant critical illness claim which has helped tremendously with our daughters’ post secondary education!

- I have developed a very healthy respect for the power of spiritual practices and am daily reminded of what a beginner I am!

- I appreciate every day that I am alive and my family is well.

- I still chuckle that a former dietitian (moi)  would have a Cardiologist named Dr. Hamburger!

- I tell my story to help inform other women about heart disease, the symptoms of a heart attack in women and SACAD, so that any woman feeling ‘weird sensations’ (heaviness, difficulty catching your breath, tightness in chest, shortness of breath)  in her chest, will go immediately to the closest hospital emergency ward!  Please check with your local health authority for a complete list of heart attack symptoms in women.  In Canada, the Heart and Stroke Foundation is a great resource!

- I practice meditation and yoga and have a wonderful life!  I’m not quite sure what to make about the financial windfall part of this, however, I believe the ‘law of attraction’ was at play!

My life lessons from this experience?

- trust your inner wisdom

- listen to your body messages

- we are more connected than we think

- the mind body connection is powerful!

- trust that even though sad things happen, there is a bigger stronger more powerful loving force at work!

- the law of attraction is powerful!

- women are wise

- sometimes bad things turn out to be good things

- pay attention to life work balance

- have fun, be joyful, love!

Please share this information with other women and be aware that heart disease and stroke are big health issues for women and take good care of your heart and your health!

 

in peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey