Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

This week, as I felt I was babying a virus that had come visiting, I chose to complete my week of yoga and soul-sisterhood at home, with my wonderful dog Teagan as my ‘soul-sister’.

I truly do find that when I do my home practice, our pets often accompany me with some stretches. Of course, they don’t wear their yoga pants and I am most often in my pj’s, however, we enjoy our practice together!

I usually do a slow flow sun salutation each morning and some restorative postures in the evening.

Teagan does a pretty great down doggie!

Here is a recent picture of my sweet dog!

Families in Surrey and White Rock, BC Survey and Help Change the Future!

Please share and pass on widely and wildly!

The Children’s Partnership of Surrey / White Rock together with DIVERSEcity, OPTIONS Community Services and Alexandra Neighbourhood House are working on a project to assess how we can better serve families with children under 6 years in Surrey and White Rock. An important part of this study is an on-line survey which gives you an opportunity to provide information about your own family’s needs. All the information will be kept confidential and identifying personal information is not required.

Please follow the link below to complete this survey for us.  Thank you.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MBLDS9J

We gathered extended family together yesterday for an Easter Sunday Brunch. We are at that tender stage of life where the transitions are many. There are elders passing on, new boyfriends, relationships changing and our generation preparing to move into retirement.

We all commented on the adorable babies and little ones dressed in their Easter finery.

We followed customs from my childhood and remarked on the passing of time. We mentioned those who couldn’t be with us; nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters in law and my mom, who passed away many years ago.

If you have seen “The Descendents”, which surprisingly I thought was very good, you will appreciate that we also experienced the vulnerable sweetness of an elder with Alzheimer’s and the wonderful good health of another elder in his 90′s.

Yesterday, we were missing the young babies but otherwise we experienced the full circle of life.

At the end, it’s all about our family isn’t it?  Whether a birth family or a global family, our relationships define and sustain us and support us to live a life in balance.

namaste,

Zoey

Easter Sunday Brunch with Grandpa and the Grandkids et al!

One of the first areas we covered during my coach training was a personal exploration of our life ‘values and needs’ and how these play out in our personal and professional lives and life work balance.

For clarity and common understanding:

Values:  Values are the essence of who we are.  Values are principles that you hold to be of worth in your life.  Values are those things considered right, worthwhile, and desirable- the basis of guiding principles and standards.  Values tend to stay the same throughout life and provide the basis for how we live our lives.

A further distillation….

Crystal Values: a value that is so important to you that if it is not incorporated into your life causes your life to shatter.  Think of what happens if you drop a crystal ball.

Rubber Values: a value that is important but that can bounce away and then back again without you feeling dissonance.

Needs:  Needs are different than values.  A need is ‘a condition or situation in which something is required or wanted.’ (from the ‘free online dictionary’).  Needs change throughout one’s life and life situation.  There is an understanding through the coaching, psychological, emotional, social intelligence fields,  that adults are 100% responsible for ensuring their needs are met in a healthy way.

When I start working with a new coaching client, one of the first things we work on is to develop clarity about their values and needs and once there is clarity, the coaching question is:  ’are you living your life from a foundation of clear and strongly held values or from a place of unmet needs.?’  This question often catalyzes a very interesting discussion!

The benefit of clarity in values is a strong life foundation from which to make decisions and to act as personal guidance in how you choose friends, a job, a life partner for example.

Dissonance occurs when one’s personal values are out of sync with other elements in one’s life.  A good example of this is in a work situation where an individual has a strongly held value of ‘sustainability’ and protection of the environment and then finds out that their employer is dumping toxic waste.  Another example of this type of dissonance is when a workplace has stated values, however, these are not followed and the actions of the organization are out of sync with the organizations stated values.  This type of dissonance is a common cause of work place and occupational stress.

Values dissonance in one’s personal life often  shows up  most clearly in relationships.  A personal life example of  values dissonance  is illustrated by the ‘new couple’, where one of them strongly values ‘family’ and the other strongly values ‘freedom & flexibility’.  Friction may arise when the value of ‘family’ (Sunday night dinners with the extended family) bumps up against the value of ‘freedom and flexibility’ (freedom to ‘on the spur of the moment’ take weekends off to go hiking) for example.

So, values are involved in how we live and needs are involved in how we act!

It is very common to use relationships to try to get our un-met needs met and this is very natural if one is in a relationship that is consciously agreed upon by all, for example in a friendship, a family relationship, a romantic relationship.  It gets much trickier in the work situation as the relationships are tacitly agreed upon.

Some of the classic examples are folks using their work relationships  with colleagues to meet their un-met need for ‘emotional connection’ and companionship in their personal life, using an older colleague to help meet unmet needs for ‘nurturing’ from parents, using the organization to help meet unmet needs for ‘recognition’ from one’s family of origin.

You will know if someone is using you to get their un-met needs met if you feel an ‘energy drain’ in their presence, like your life force is being literally sucked right out of you.  These folks are sometimes referred to as ‘energy vampires’!  Another way to know if un-met needs are ‘at play’ is if there is a perception of conflict or edginess; the expression that is often used here is that these people are ‘growing up all over each other.’

Benefits of having clarity on one’s needs are: you can learn to get your needs met in a respectful and honoring way by integrating them into your career/life; recognize they are a unique part of you; learn to clearly ask for what you need; feel whole and complete when you take responsibility for getting your needs met; maximize life fulfillment by honoring your needs.

Having clarity about your values and needs is the key!  Clarity leads to self awareness, self-responsibility and work life balance.

Reflect on your values and needs and here’s a life and  leadership coaching tip, write it all down!  Get a special journal or create a new folder in your computer and consider: your life purpose/mission; values (both crystal and rubber); needs; what and who are the people, places, actions and activities that nourish you and deepen your life fulfillment and meaning?

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul 

“Set your life on fire.  Seek those who fan the flames.” ~ Rumi

My dad turned 90 today!

Yesterday, my brothers and I hosted a party for him at the church where he was both pastor and parishioner for many years.

There was laughter and some tears.

At the end, my Dad spoke and it was incredibly touching as it seemed like he was saying all the things he would like to say at his funeral if he could! He spoke words of wisdom and said he was excited about his next phase and for us not to be sad when he passes.

It is an honour to celebrate my Dad’s 90th with him!

Happy Birthday Carl Johnson!

“To live in accord with love is to set your heart on fire. In the crucible of such an inferno all convention burns away. What’s left is an entirely new kind of existence, one full of passion, presence, and infinite possibility.” - Raphael Cushnir

“Even the most exalted states and the most exceptionally spiritual accomplishments are unimportant if we cannot be happy in the most basic and ordinary ways, if we cannot touch one another and the life we have been given with our hearts.”

- Jack Kornfield from “A Path With Heart”

Happy Valentines Day and I hope that these quotes help to ‘set your heart on fire’ with love!

In peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

Celebrate World Happy Day with a special screening of the movie “Happy” at the link below!

| World Happy Day.

namaste,

Zoey

A big shout out of support for breast feeding moms who refuse to be intimidated or shamed by any organization! Breast feeding is normal, healthy & wholesome.

The World Health Organization has very clear guidelines and illustrates the major health benefits of breast feeding for both mom & baby!

Our world is changing, of that there is no doubt!  With hope, in the future, our children and grandchildren will be living in a world of peace, where a ‘partnership model’ rather than a ‘dominator model’ is in place.

Most women I know want to live a healthy lifestyle with purpose and passion.  From a place of  ’life in balance’,  they are the major decision makers in family health and kids health.  I know that as a working mother, I think often about what the future holds for myself, my family, my friends and my community.

We are seeing increasing numbers of women leaders in all areas.  Rather than replicate the mistakes of the past by using a dominator model, I urge all women, especially women in leadership to use a partnership model!

In considering these models and the future, it helps to review the key  ’organizing principles’ below:

• • command and control– think “military”.
• • competition – think “I win, you lose”.
• • cooperation – think “I scratch your back, you scratch mine”.
• • collaboration – think “win-win”.
• • co-creation – think “the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts”.

A ‘Dominator  Model’ utilizes the first two and sometimes the third and a ‘Partnership Model’ utilizes primarily the last two.

Consider all the systems in the world today, ie political, military, corporate, business, educational, health care, religion.  Most of these systems are based on a ‘command and control’ model where there is a leader (most often male) and a triangle of power and control flowing down from the leadership level.  It is the dismantling of this model and the shift to new, healthier organizing principles that the ‘Occupy Movement” is all about for example.

Traditionally women naturally  draw on their heart and soul wisdom and use co-creation, collaboration and cooperation in their lives. For centuries, women have sat in a circle around a fire, over a cup of tea, around the children playing, chatting and throwing out ideas for simplifying and improving their lives and the lives of their families.  These models tremendously help to improve women health, family health, emotional intelligence and mental health.  This is indicated with current scientific research and not just with feminists!

As the world allows women of all ages and particularly elder women to play a more prominent role in all areas, ‘Women Power’ will increase for the good of us all.  Will we actually live in a “femocracy” or in more of a ‘collective partnership’?  We don’t know yet, however, it is important to teach our children the beauty of sitting in circle together, of ‘win-win-win’ and collective co-creative thinking.

Women leaders, base your leadership style of the last two principles and use the partnership model!  This will lend creativity, inspiration, innovation to your organization!

I call this all ‘matrixed heart and soul’ wisdom!  Enjoy your wonderful day!

In peace and mindfulness.

namaste,

Zoey

I love my family, my 3 daughters and my husband and look forward to a time when I can play with my yet unborn grandchildren.

I love my friends, family and neighbors all over the world.

I care deeply about all the people in the world, the women I work with,  the future of the planet and my ‘still to come’ grandchildren and great grandchildren!

Please listen to this powerful message from a man I deeply respect, Canadian Scientist Dr. David Suzuki

Namaste,

In peace and mindfulness,

Zoey