Archive for the ‘women & parenting’ Category

Families in Surrey and White Rock, BC Survey and Help Change the Future!

Please share and pass on widely and wildly!

The Children’s Partnership of Surrey / White Rock together with DIVERSEcity, OPTIONS Community Services and Alexandra Neighbourhood House are working on a project to assess how we can better serve families with children under 6 years in Surrey and White Rock. An important part of this study is an on-line survey which gives you an opportunity to provide information about your own family’s needs. All the information will be kept confidential and identifying personal information is not required.

Please follow the link below to complete this survey for us.  Thank you.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MBLDS9J

This post is dedicated to all the amazing and empowered women around the world who are joining hands in sisterhood and having a positive impact on our planet and our people!  Deep bows to you!

The research on happiness, health and longevity continues to indicate that those most happy are those who feel that they are having a positive impact on others and/or on the planet.

Let’s use this time around International Women’s Day March 2012 to celebrate you, your passion and purpose!  Use the following questions to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul!  Feel free to share these questions widely and wildly with your soul-sisters.

1.  Gain clarity on those activities, people, issues that you are passionate about supporting.  Use a journal, or vision board, or do some art to tap into your unconscious for messages from your deeper self.

2.  Ask and answer the following … “What does my spiritual self need to feel nourished”?

3. Determine those daily actions & behaviors that make you feel ‘the most you’, those things that make you ‘feel good in your skin’.

4.  Ask and answer ‘ what am I passionate about’?  If you come up with a blank, that’s great too!  Then ask your self ‘how can I unlock my creativity’.  The answers may not come quickly…, give yourself time, over the days, you may get twinges of inspiration and whispers of messages from your soul!

5. Engage in random acts of kindness.

6.  Really get to know a woman from a culture different to you.

7. Every day, start the day with gratitude and by listing all the things that are good and great in your life!

To help with this process, you may wish to use the Topaz Lotus Life Crafter 2012!

May your day be filled with sacred delight and soul-sisterhood!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan the flames.” ~ Rumi

One of the first areas we covered during my coach training was a personal exploration of our life ‘values and needs’ and how these play out in our personal and professional lives and life work balance.

For clarity and common understanding:

Values:  Values are the essence of who we are.  Values are principles that you hold to be of worth in your life.  Values are those things considered right, worthwhile, and desirable- the basis of guiding principles and standards.  Values tend to stay the same throughout life and provide the basis for how we live our lives.

A further distillation….

Crystal Values: a value that is so important to you that if it is not incorporated into your life causes your life to shatter.  Think of what happens if you drop a crystal ball.

Rubber Values: a value that is important but that can bounce away and then back again without you feeling dissonance.

Needs:  Needs are different than values.  A need is ‘a condition or situation in which something is required or wanted.’ (from the ‘free online dictionary’).  Needs change throughout one’s life and life situation.  There is an understanding through the coaching, psychological, emotional, social intelligence fields,  that adults are 100% responsible for ensuring their needs are met in a healthy way.

When I start working with a new coaching client, one of the first things we work on is to develop clarity about their values and needs and once there is clarity, the coaching question is:  ’are you living your life from a foundation of clear and strongly held values or from a place of unmet needs.?’  This question often catalyzes a very interesting discussion!

The benefit of clarity in values is a strong life foundation from which to make decisions and to act as personal guidance in how you choose friends, a job, a life partner for example.

Dissonance occurs when one’s personal values are out of sync with other elements in one’s life.  A good example of this is in a work situation where an individual has a strongly held value of ‘sustainability’ and protection of the environment and then finds out that their employer is dumping toxic waste.  Another example of this type of dissonance is when a workplace has stated values, however, these are not followed and the actions of the organization are out of sync with the organizations stated values.  This type of dissonance is a common cause of work place and occupational stress.

Values dissonance in one’s personal life often  shows up  most clearly in relationships.  A personal life example of  values dissonance  is illustrated by the ‘new couple’, where one of them strongly values ‘family’ and the other strongly values ‘freedom & flexibility’.  Friction may arise when the value of ‘family’ (Sunday night dinners with the extended family) bumps up against the value of ‘freedom and flexibility’ (freedom to ‘on the spur of the moment’ take weekends off to go hiking) for example.

So, values are involved in how we live and needs are involved in how we act!

It is very common to use relationships to try to get our un-met needs met and this is very natural if one is in a relationship that is consciously agreed upon by all, for example in a friendship, a family relationship, a romantic relationship.  It gets much trickier in the work situation as the relationships are tacitly agreed upon.

Some of the classic examples are folks using their work relationships  with colleagues to meet their un-met need for ‘emotional connection’ and companionship in their personal life, using an older colleague to help meet unmet needs for ‘nurturing’ from parents, using the organization to help meet unmet needs for ‘recognition’ from one’s family of origin.

You will know if someone is using you to get their un-met needs met if you feel an ‘energy drain’ in their presence, like your life force is being literally sucked right out of you.  These folks are sometimes referred to as ‘energy vampires’!  Another way to know if un-met needs are ‘at play’ is if there is a perception of conflict or edginess; the expression that is often used here is that these people are ‘growing up all over each other.’

Benefits of having clarity on one’s needs are: you can learn to get your needs met in a respectful and honoring way by integrating them into your career/life; recognize they are a unique part of you; learn to clearly ask for what you need; feel whole and complete when you take responsibility for getting your needs met; maximize life fulfillment by honoring your needs.

Having clarity about your values and needs is the key!  Clarity leads to self awareness, self-responsibility and work life balance.

Reflect on your values and needs and here’s a life and  leadership coaching tip, write it all down!  Get a special journal or create a new folder in your computer and consider: your life purpose/mission; values (both crystal and rubber); needs; what and who are the people, places, actions and activities that nourish you and deepen your life fulfillment and meaning?

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Topaz Lotus Life & Leadership Coaching for Women

wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul 

“Set your life on fire.  Seek those who fan the flames.” ~ Rumi

Some words of wisdom to start your day!

“Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.”

By Mary Anne Radmacher (author and artist)

Enjoy your day my friends,

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

topaz lotus wisdom coaching to set your heart on fire and soothe your soul

I love yoga!  I love doing it, learning about it and reading about it!  I do it almost every day on my own and likely think about going to classes more than I actually go!  I love the natural and holistic health nature of yoga and how it is a ‘complete discipline’.  For me, it develops my mind body spirit connection.

I trace by love of yoga back to Grade 9, when I took creative dance classes and our warm up ‘exercises with Miss Porter’, included movements that I now know were yoga poses.  I kept using these poses as stretches for my running and other exercise programs and am happy to say that I have maintained flexibility through 3 pregnancies and beyond!

Throughout my life I have engaged in yoga in cycles, going frequently and then not going at lot for years .  I tried many different types of yoga without even knowing there were different types!

Certainly not a yoga instructor, nor an expert in the discipline,  I think of myself rather as an ‘imperfect beginner yogini’.

My two favourite yoga books are:

‘An Autobiography of a Yogi’ by  Paramhansa Yogananda

‘Light On Yoga’ by B.K.S. Iyengar

Interestingly, I love ‘hot yoga’ and have tried Bikrams quite a few times.  I haven’t tried Moksha yoga yet, however my yogini friends really like it.  I adore ‘yin’ yoga, using blocks and supports.  I was totally surprised once when I went to a ‘vinyasa flow’ class, thinking it was a hatha yoga class!

I have thought of doing ‘yoga teacher training’ for my own exploration and imagine a time in the future when I spend months in Mexico, Costa Rica, Thailand or Bali at a yoga retreat center!  The joy!

Last week, I noticed that simply walking into a calm, beautiful yoga studio gave me a sense of peace and serenity!  On that day though, rather than attend a class, I tried to ‘take the peace with me’ through purchasing a wonderful piece of jewelry.

I’m also interested in Ayurveda or Ayurvedic Medicine which is a whole holistic health discipline practiced in India and which provides a valuable explanation for me as to why folks either ‘love’ or ‘hate’ hot yoga!  I really value clues as to my metabolic type through the practice of yoga.

Perhaps what I love best of all, are the people one meets through yoga, like the yoga instructors and the other students.  I feel like I have found my tribe!

I’m on the upper edge of age for this tribe and even though I live in Vancouver, I don’t usually wear the fancy yoga pants and yoga wear, although I have appreciated the durability of my first lululemon yoga pants, purchased  13 years ago!

For four consecutive years, I hosted women’s life coaching, self care & yoga retreats to Mexico and remember those times with great fondness.  I provided the life coaching and my dear friend Beth was the yoga instructor!  One of my favourite yoga studios in fact, has blossomed in the small Mexican village of Yelapa, where I hosted two retreats.  Judith Roth of Yoga in Yelapa has built a gorgeous yoga reteat center, called Sky Temple and if you are ever in need of a rest and re-charge, travel to Yelapa and take in some yoga classes as well as learn Spanish at YESI, eat amazing food, and relax on the gorgeous beach.

The benefits of yoga are many, including: increased flexibilty and agility, increased core strength, stress reduction, improved digestion and circulation, a deepening connection with your body’s messages, reduced blood pressure, peace, serenity and calmness, to name just a few!  Also, yoga is a wonderful vehicle to bring up un-healed areas of life.  For example, through yoga practice, I have been blessed to learn how hard I am on myself and how my competitiveness no longer serves me, nor those around me!

I encourage all my coaching clients to engage in yoga or a similar body centered discipline.  Busy mom and busy business women find yoga is incredibly helpful with stress management as well as refreshes the  mind and body!

Yoga is my spiritual practice!

Well, enough of the rambling, I guess it’s time to pull on my ‘lulus’ and take myself off to class!

Enjoy your day!

in peace & mindfulness

namaste,

Zoey

Stressed Again!?

Are you feeling stressed?  “Wonderful” your life coach says!

Are you surprised at this response?  In our culture we are advised to “get rid of stress”, “make stress go away”, take a stress management program and de-stress.  Many respond to this message but with actions that further the stress or distract them from what is really going on in their lives.  How many of your friends or family members, or perhaps even yourself de-stress with a glass of wine or two or three before dinner, through intense exercise, long hours at work or high adrenaline producing activities?

What if we shift perspective to welcoming stress as an opportunity to learn about ourselves, relationships, life patterns and balance in life?

When my client’s says that they are feeling stressed, I ask the following questions:

- is stress a daily part of your life or is it transitory?

- what does stress feel like in your body, where does it reside?

- what message is your stress giving you?

- how does stress serve you?

- how does stress not serve you?

- if you weren’t feeling stressed, how would your life be the same and different?

- being stressed allows you to do what….?

- what does your stress keep you from doing?

- how do you want your future to be in regards to stress?

Through the ensuing conversation clients often realize that feeling stressed is part of their life pattern and in fact in the past is has helped them accomplish projects and tasks.    Clients often find that they are ‘adrenalin junkies’ and find it tricky to get motivated with out stress and adrenalin.  By mid-life, they usually have found that this pattern isn’t working well for them anymore due to relationship problems or observable health effects of high blood pressure, poor sleep, digestive problems and headaches for example, but don’t know how to “do their life” differently.

I suggest that folks “make friends with their stress” and even give it a name. Rather than  try to make the stress go away I encourage my clients to welcome it into their lives and bodies as an opportunity for learning.  In doing this many folks find meaning and messages in their stress as well as find that there is a softening of the area of their body where they generally “hold” their stress.  I also encourage clients to engage in physical activities that are in alignment with ‘getting to know your body’, such as yoga or Tai Chi.  Often this process results in major life changes and in retrospect many say “thank you” to the original stress that was such a powerful  trigger or a catalyst for positive life change.

Enjoy your day!

in peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

Continuing with the story about women and the heart….

Some background;  for the past 20 years or so, I have been delving into what used to be called ‘New Age Spirituality’, and now I simply call it ‘my spirituality’.  My spirituality feels like a personal and unique blend of Christianity and Buddhism, with hints of other major religions thrown in with a lot of meditation and yoga.  I’ve read many self help, personal development, integral theory, and new age spirituality books.  As a working mom and professional woman, I did a mid-life career shift (after a couple of decades working as a Nutritionist ) and took professional training into life & leadership coaching, using a body centered, whole systems orientation.

About three years ago, my husband informed me that two ‘suspicious spots’ had been seen on his lung.  Not long after, I attended a seminar about critical illness insurance for the self-employed business woman and decided I needed to take out this type of insurance as I had a family history of both cancer and heart disease.  We were in a state of hopeful/hopeless anticipation of the results of his lung biopsy.  To add to the health concern, my husband had also developed pulmonary emboli also known as lung clots, in both lungs.

As one may imagine, I was very worried about my husband, about our family, about how I would support three daughters as a professional woman if my husband died.  My mind utilizes ‘worst case scenarioizing’ very well!  At the time I was 51 years old.

I was also going through menopause and was taking a compounded progesterone for the symptoms.

We had just returned from a sailing trip where we had ‘weathered’ a significant storm of over 40 km per hour winds and where our engine had almost failed, resulting in a very scary couple of hours on the water with an accompanying surge of adrenalin.

To re-cap, between us; we had money worries due to reduced income, health worries, significant additional stress, menopause, three daughters to support and help with college, possible lung cancer, a really bad scare, pulmonary emboli and a recently purchased critical illness policy.  I also found out later that I had undiagnosed ‘essential hypertension’ or high blood pressure. I had ‘gained a few pounds’ over the past years although I regularly exercised, was a non smoker and drinker and ate in a healthy way!  I looked pretty healthy for my age.

I engaged in daily meditation and walks and was reading a lot of Buddhist teachings about ‘keeping the heart open’ and  without actually being trained in the practice, using a breathing practice called tonglen , where you breathe in the pain of the world and breathe out clear healing love.

What happened was that I was ‘broken hearted’!  My heart literally broke!

On a Monday morning after a ‘power walk’ and coffee, I experienced shortness of breath and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  This heavy sensation wasn’t in any way painful, but it was uncomfortable.  I had a tiny bit of pain in my neck and right shoulder.  The ‘heavy’ sensation came and went about three times after which I googled ‘symptoms of a heart attack in women’.  I basically had all the symptoms and had my daughter drive me to the hospital half of me thinking that I was having a panic attack and in my mind, calling myself a ‘drama queen’ and the other half, the holistic health half saying ‘listen to your body and take this seriously’!  I’m very fortunate that I did listen to my inner wisdom and trust my body’s messages!

I was not having a panic attack, I had in fact had a ‘spontaneous coronary artery dissection (SCAD)’, where an flap of tissue from inside my heart artery tore off the wall of the heart and blocked the blood flow, resulting in a heart attack or MI.  I found out later that this type of heart attack is diagnosed in 70% of the cases upon autopsy and is not very common.  It happens more often in women and is associated with stress and changes in hormones and blood pressure. It has sometimes been called  ’Japanese Widows Syndrome’, as when a Japanese woman would suffer a heart attack  and die, just after her husband’s death!  In the hospital, my Cardiologist, Dr. Hamburger said that I had a ‘broken heart’, likely in some part caused by stress about my husband. If you google ‘SCAD’, you will find much more information

This may all sound very sad and upsetting and yes, it is and it was.  However, as a result of all of the above, our lives are better and we will live healthier and longer!  I can summarize the good results as:

- my ‘essential hypertension’ and ‘Syndrome X’ was diagnosed and I am now on appropriate medication.

- my husband was found to have a ‘clotting deficiency’ and likely would have died young from a heart attack but is now on the appropriate medication.

- as a result of thinking he had ‘lung cancer’ (he doesn’t) , my husband’s doctor reacted very quickly to my husband’s back pain (caused by the blood clots in his lung), which likely save his life.

- we both made further major healthy lifestyle changes.

- I received a significant critical illness claim which has helped tremendously with our daughters’ post secondary education!

- I have developed a very healthy respect for the power of spiritual practices and am daily reminded of what a beginner I am!

- I appreciate every day that I am alive and my family is well.

- I still chuckle that a former dietitian (moi)  would have a Cardiologist named Dr. Hamburger!

- I tell my story to help inform other women about heart disease, the symptoms of a heart attack in women and SACAD, so that any woman feeling ‘weird sensations’ (heaviness, difficulty catching your breath, tightness in chest, shortness of breath)  in her chest, will go immediately to the closest hospital emergency ward!  Please check with your local health authority for a complete list of heart attack symptoms in women.  In Canada, the Heart and Stroke Foundation is a great resource!

- I practice meditation and yoga and have a wonderful life!  I’m not quite sure what to make about the financial windfall part of this, however, I believe the ‘law of attraction’ was at play!

My life lessons from this experience?

- trust your inner wisdom

- listen to your body messages

- we are more connected than we think

- the mind body connection is powerful!

- trust that even though sad things happen, there is a bigger stronger more powerful loving force at work!

- the law of attraction is powerful!

- women are wise

- sometimes bad things turn out to be good things

- pay attention to life work balance

- have fun, be joyful, love!

Please share this information with other women and be aware that heart disease and stroke are big health issues for women and take good care of your heart and your health!

in peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

“To live in accord with love is to set your heart on fire. In the crucible of such an inferno all convention burns away. What’s left is an entirely new kind of existence, one full of passion, presence, and infinite possibility.” - Raphael Cushnir

“Even the most exalted states and the most exceptionally spiritual accomplishments are unimportant if we cannot be happy in the most basic and ordinary ways, if we cannot touch one another and the life we have been given with our hearts.”

- Jack Kornfield from “A Path With Heart”

Happy Valentines Day and I hope that these quotes help to ‘set your heart on fire’ with love!

In peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

Celebrate World Happy Day with a special screening of the movie “Happy” at the link below!

| World Happy Day.

namaste,

Zoey

A great event to support: Youth Rising For Peace