Posts Tagged ‘life coaching articles’

Living a Life With Heart: Values and Needs

During the next few weeks, the theme for posting will be ‘the heart’ in honour of Valentines Day and the spirit of love!

From my perspective as a life, leadership & executive coach, living a life with heart includes living a life anchored in clear and deeply held values and understanding how unmet needs might get in the way of this.

I want to share my process in this area of values and needs.  Prior to completing my coach training, I had a vague idea of all of this stuff.  I figured I was pretty clear on my values, sort of knew the meaning and difference between a value and a need and I have to say was pretty darn smug.  Through my coach training, which included a lot of introspection and journaling, what I learned about myself was actually shocking to me.  I learned that for basically my entire life, I had been operating my life from a place of unmet needs rather than from a place of clearly known and held values.  I had thought I was so clear on who I was and where I was going, that learning new information about myself was unsettling.  Now, from the perspective of time, I see that this was very important “unsettling”, it was like stirring up the bottom of a clear mountain lake and dislodging bits of garbage that had been caught on sunken tree branches.  Self-reflection and introspection, allowed the garbage to float to the surface to be skimmed off and thrown away.  Developing clarity around my crystal and rubber values and about my needs has allowed me to take control of my life and create my future to be in alignment with my deeply held crystal values.

So, to further set context and share  common language, I offer the following definitions and in doing this I have drawn from these resources: Webster’s dictionary, “The Portable Coach” by Thomas Leonard, “Co-Active Coaching” by Whitworth, Kimsey and House and the “Professional Foundations for Masterful Coaches” program by Jeanine Sandstrom and Lee Smith.

A Value: something intrinsically valuable or desirable, human rather than material.  Values are the essence of who you are.  Values are principles that you hold to be of worth in your life and are the activities, preferences or behaviours that you are naturally drawn to and that attract you.  Values are those things considered right, worthwhile and desirable-the basis for guiding principles and standards.  Values fulfill you.

A Need: implies a lack of something requisite, desirable or useful.  Needs are resources, people, feelings, situations, or environments you must have in order to be your best.  Meeting needs gives a sense of satisfaction and there is often a sense of urgency around needs.

Now, a couple more definitions in the area of values and I want to thank Betty Healey, a fellow coach with the Strategic Attraction Community for sharing this.

A crystal value: is a value that is so important to you that if it is not incorporated into your life, causes your life to shatter.  Think of what happens if you drop a crystal ball.  Taking the crystal ball imagery further, a crystal value calls you forward into your future.

A rubber value: is a value that is important but that can bounce away, out of your life and then back again, like a rubber ball with out you feeling dissonance.

What do you think your values and needs are?  If you would like some help with this, let me know!  That’s what a coach is for.

In peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

coaching for your heart & soul

inspirational catalyst for personal development and leadership skills & development

What a wonderful time to think about fresh new beginnings and honour our creative energy as women!

Enjoy this quote:

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create — so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off… They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating.” - Pearl Buck

Enjoy your week and feel that spark of creativity!

In peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

Women Health Life:  Words of Wisdom Heart of Wisdom – Integrity

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”
—Janis Joplin
We tend, through life, to be confronted with many ethical dilemmas where we need to draw on our personal codes and guiding principles.  These dilemmas may feel small or large, depending on the circumstance.  Part of “life coaching” is helping women develop clarity about their personal guiding principles and values.  I often suggest that clients ask themselves the following question; “can you live with yourself, with your integrity intact, if you make that decision”?

I found the following definitions of the word “integrity” to be very interesting (from: http://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/integrity)

1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness

Most folks I talk with are familiar with then first definition, however, it is the third definition that I find fascinating, especially if one applies this to people not cell membranes! In ancient traditions one often hears about each person’s aura or “egg” of energy.  In psychological and mind/body terms, one talks about “containment” and the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts.

What if we placed the emphasis on first “getting whole” and then making decisions; would that automatically mean we make integral decisions?

Now I know this discussion may seem ‘airy fairy’ to some, yet, it is a serious question.  If we design a practice and actions so that we have a “felt experience” of being whole, complete and contained, with all parts of us, mind, body, spirit and emotions connecting and integrated, then, I would say, we can’t help but function with integrity.

In our Western culture, we are encouraged to primarily use our mind in making decisions.  What if we also asked “what would my heart say about this”, or ”how does gut feel” with that decision?

In previous postings about being a sage or wise woman, I have discussed a variety of qualities from wisdom to power, from courage to gentleness; with incorporating the word “integrity” we add in both meanings of the word and draw on the concept of wholeness or completeness as well as a personal code of ethics.

So, you see, being a wise woman with integrity may encompass so much more than just being true to oneself.  Janis Joplin has half the equation!   Imagine a world where we all make decisions with both our head and our hearts for the purposes of deeper connection!

Luscious ladies, play around with the following questions
“Self-care Enchantments”:

1. 1. When have you experienced a challenge to your personal code of ethics?  How did you respond?
2. 2. Do you or how do you experience a sense of wholeness or containment?
3. 3. This week, when making a decision, run it through your head, your heart and your gut and see if the process feels different.

In peace & mindfulness,

namaste,

Zoey

Life & Leadership Coaching Tip For Women Health

Embrace your day with joy and excitement!

Start your day by meditating quietly and then write down, in your own handwriting, your ‘intentions’ for the day.

Intentions are different than goals. Goal are something you strive towards and require effort. Intentions are attached to ‘good feeling emotions’ and can draw you forward effortlessly.

An example: ‘It is my intention that my day flows forward with joy and excitement.

Namaste,

Zoey

Probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a working mother was leave my daughters when they were sick! I would dread cold and flu season and the balancing act required to maintain family health and life and work balance without guilt!

When sick, all my kids wanted to do was snuggle up with mommy but mommy often had additional priorities.

Here are 3 family health survival tips for maintaining work life balance for working women during cold & flu season.

1. Plan ahead: early in Fall stock up on healthy frozen meals and soups, cold & flu medications and remedies, herbal teas, hot packs and quiet time activities.

2. Know your work policies: check policies in advance regarding ‘leave’ to care for a family member. Good organizations either have paid family leave or are flexible about having employees use their own sick time to stay home with a sick little one.

3. Have a back up child care plan: put your plan in place before you need it! Confirm with your partner, grandparents, favorite relatives or trusted friends that they can provide additional help and support if either you or your child is ill.

In peace, health and mindfulness,

Zoey

Life & Leadership Coach for Working Women

I love weekends, holidays, traveling and taking time off! This picture is from a recent trip my husband and I took to Loreto, Mexico where we are on Isla Coronado. Yes, I love time off and I also absolutely love my work!

It’s interesting though because even as a professional life & leadership coach, knowing how important down time is, I find it easy to get into a work frenzy. You know the feeling, where it’s go go go, running on adrenalin, trying to fit more in, get more done! When I feel like this, I know it’s time to just stop.

Stop and sit. Stop and breathe. Stop and take time off and metaphorically, wiggle my toes in the sand!

Enjoy your day!

Namaste.

In peace and mindfulness,

Zoey

Lifestyle Design: The Top 3 Daily Success Habits of Empowered Women of Wisdom

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.” ~ Anais Nin

Use these tips for personal development, effective leadership and inner wisdom.

1. Get up early: and spend time every morning with yoga, mediation, dreaming, inspirational reading and journaling.

2. Focus forward with action: have a healthy holistic mindset and body, be ‘flexible’ and gentle moving forward in life with a positive attitude, learning and growing.

3. Be a spirited woman, be uniquely you: don’t be afraid to have a unique personality, live life with passion, grace and purpose. You are the only ‘you’ on the planet!

I would love to hear about your experience with these success tips and habits. Please feel free to contact me personally if this resonates with you.

Namaste

In peace & mindfulness,

Zoey

wisdom coaching for your heart & soul

Zoey Ryan BSc., PCC

Professional Certified Coach with the ICF

Topaz Lotus Lifestyle & Leadership Coaching

Life ~ Leadership ~ Executive Coaching for Women Leaders and Mentor Coaching for Women Coaches

inspiration | innovation | clarity | wisdom

When I am coaching, a question I often ask is, “what is the one thing, that if you did it consistently, would have the greatest positive impact on your life”?  I hear answers like exercise more, drink less coffee, lose weight.  While all of these activities no doubt will be positive, I’m reminded, as women how we are so busy, “doing”, feeling like we need to change ourselves and seldom stop to just be more of who we are.

I recently had occasion to ponder “the question” and my “year in review”.  I sank into the stillness of my home and began listing what I was thankful for.  What I realized was that it is the very small, simple things in life that bring me the greatest joy and sense of fulfillment, not tasks and certainly not “self-improvement projects.  I get a sense of fulfillment from things like hearing my children laughing, the mist over the water, the depth and comfort of a longstanding friendship.

As I sat that early morning, I was reminded that the positive impact was a result, not of doing but of being, of allowing myself reflective time to sink into the “beingness” of me and open to the power of thanksgiving, gratitude and blessings. For me, using gratitude and blessing brings a feeling of putting on the “rose coloured glasses”, a feeling of objectivity, a sense of expansiveness and is a valuable part of personal development and life balance.

I was challenged recently in my commitment to this belief when faced with an unexpected and painful loss.  I found myself slipping into a place of hurt, blame and criticism.  The word “blessing” popped into my mind and I quickly said a blessing for the situation.  It went something like this; “blessings on this situation as I know that it is all for the best and that through the pain and sadness, a greater good will come.”  By saying those words I was able to set aside the “righteous victim voice” of “poor me” and had the sense of an easing and softening of my emotions.

So, ask yourself, the earlier question, “what is the one thing if integrated into your life regularly, would have the greatest positive impact”?  Experiment with using blessings, gratitude and thanksgiving and feel yourself open into a deeper sense of your “beingness”.  Start by making a list of at least 20 things that you are thankful for.  Every day, give yourself time to sink into your “beingness” and feel gratitude.  Send out blessings to your friends, family, all people and situations and imagine the world taking on a rosy glow!

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

- Melody Beattie,  Author

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving

In peace & mindufulness,

Zoey

powerful wisdom coaching for your heart & soul

Zoey Ryan BSc., PCC

Professional Certified Coach with the ICF

Topaz Lotus Coaching

Life ~ Leadership ~ Executive Coaching for Women Leaders and Mentor Coaching for Women Coaches

inspiration | innovation | wisdom

“Women Leaders, Power & Courage:  Empowered, Effective Leadership Qualities”

Many women, even women leaders having an edgy time with the word ‘power’.  Women’s and girl’s leadership and empowerment workshops and programs are flourishing, with great results, yet I am hearing back that the notion of  being powerful and can feel difficult or harsh or uncomfortable when doing this in the work environment.

So, here is a review of the “topaz lotus leadership matrix TM”  leadership traits.  The matrix acknowledges both the “doing and being” of women in leadership ie both personal qualities of individual women and ‘on the ground actions/competencies’ for effective leadership  for women in leadership roles. The topaz lotus leadership matrix TM builds on the solid ‘Legacy Leadership Model’ and integrates mindfulness techniques.

From the leadership matrix, foundational qualities are power and wisdom, the yin yang of leadership; infused with the following secondary qualities: courage, fire, boldness in one’s uniqueness, balanced by unconditional love, integrity and gentleness. For women, the word ‘power’ is often fused or linked  with ‘power over’, ‘arrogant’, ‘condesending’, ‘dictatorial’ and one of the first things I do when coaching women leaders is help identify their limiting beliefs and ‘fusions’ and then use a powerful tool to de-fuse those links.

I would also like to discuss courage, not the kind of hero courage that is exhibited with dramatic feats but a kind of quiet and sustainable courage.  Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, who coined the phrase, “well behaved women seldom make history”, was in fact speaking about well behaved normal women who in the course of their regular daily, non extraordinary lives, exhibit exceptional gentle courage by refusing to be pulled into the cultural drift of complacency.

Gentle courage and ‘power with’ show up as a components of your leadership presence!

It takes courage and skill to stand in ‘your place of power’, maintain vision, uphold policies while also inspiring others.  With the matrix, we talk about ‘power with’ rather than ‘power over’ and use a partnership model, collaboration, circle process and co-creation as organizing principles.

I am interested in your thoughts and experiences with these concepts. Answer the question: which woman/women leaders do you know who have  used ‘power with’ and shown amazing gentle courage?

I would like to share a leadership quote with you from  Margaret Wheatley, one of my favorite women leaders.

‘I think a major act of leadership right now, call it a radical act, is to create the places and processes so people can actually learn together, using our experiences.’ Margaret J. Wheatley

Enjoy your day, wonderful luscious topaz lotus women leaders!

In peace & mindfulness,

Zoey

powerful wisdom coaching for your heart & soul

Zoey Ryan BSc., PCC

Professional Certified Coach with the ICF

Life ~ Leadership ~ Executive Coaching for Women Leaders and Mentor Coaching for Women Coaches

inspiration | innovation | wisdom

I love thinking, reading and surfing ideas about the future and admit that I have been imprinted and influenced by Faith Popcorn.  Although this may sound outdated, I also love and recommend “Megatrends 2010:  The Rise Of Conscious Capitalism – Seven Trends That Will Transform How You Work, Live and Invest” by Patricia Aburdene and absolutely any thing by or with Barbara Marx Hubbard (www.evolve.org ).  It is not my intention to “channel” these authors, rather I wish to acknowledge their original ideas and words and build on these concepts.  While the majority of the ideas presented are focused on trends in North America, some can be applied more widely.

Here is my compilation of 13 important trends and new ideas that will transform your work and life!

1.  Brain Dough aka brain plasticity:

Yes, you can “teach an old dog new tricks”, our brains are actually malleable or flexible.    This concept is referred to as brain plasticity.  What is brain plasticity? Does it mean that our brains are made of plastic? Of course not. Plasticity, or neuroplasticity, is the lifelong ability of the brain to reorganize neural pathways based on new experiences. As we learn, we acquire new knowledge and skills through instruction or experience. In order to learn or memorize a fact or skill, there must be persistent functional changes in the brain that represent the new knowledge.  The ability of the brain to change with learning is what is know as neuroplasticity.

Source: http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/plast.html

2.  Grandma Power:

Elder women are becoming an increasingly powerful and large group as the boomers age.  Think hip, happy, and hippie grandmas rather than blue rinses and fraility!

3.  Squeeze More In(n):

Community living takes on a new meaning as more extended families chose to remain living together.  This is a new idea for many North Americans and will require skilled and open communication and attention to compromise and consensus.

4. Values Redux:

Increasingly large numbers of consumers will make purchasing decisions based on their strongly held personal values.

5. Glass Houses:

With amazing technology and the internet, all we do and say will be visible, this is an opportunity to be uber transparent and ethical in life & work.  There will be no place to hide.

6. Big Hearts:

The emotions and qualities of love, loving-kindness and compassion from a big soft, warm melted open heart will be increasingly integrated into business practices through meditation, lovingkindness retreats and prayer.

7. C3 – Circles, Collaboration & Co-Creation:

All organizations, families and groups are moving towards and squishing down into wonderful, resonant, concentric circles around a big heart center.  The dominant forces will be: life, creativity, win/win and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

8. Saffron, Sage and Soul:

As India and China increasingly take over the global production of goods, our interest in and our reliance on these countries will increase.  We will continue to integrate both eastern and western spiritual traditions, adding in a dash of “conscious evolution”  producing a spicy, rich and deeply satisfying new meta-spiritual tradition.

9. Bugs R Us:

Everything will be about whole systems and models based on nature.

10.            Flowers In Your Hair and Everywhere:

Integrating the “big heart” concept, there will be growing appreciation of art & beauty and a laid back lifestyle as forces for social change and business re-vitalization.

11.            Re-Calibration Back to a Lunar Calendar:

It only makes sense for women!

12.            Science Fictionary:

Life expectancy will continue to increase and concepts that were only science fiction will be part of every day life.  More and more folks will choose to vacation at home through holograms and other multisensory innovations.

13.  The Concept of Paradox:

We will be challenged to live a life of increasing paradox and complexity and time will seem to speed up! Folks will be curious about the concept of “nothingness”.

Enjoy this “trendspotting” and let us know how you and your life & work are affected by these trends at by adding your comments to the blog!

In peace & mindfulness,

Zoey

coaching for your heart & soul

Zoey Ryan BSc., PCC

Professional Certified Coach with the ICF

Life ~ Leadership ~ Executive Coaching for Women Leaders and Mentor Coaching for Women Coaches

inspiration | innovation | wisdom