The other day I responded to an article in our local paper, The Vancouver Sun, entitled “Whatever happened to embarrassment?:Here’s to bringing back a little good, old-fashioned shame?” by Shelley Fralic. I think there were likely some very valid points made in the article but I didn’t get further than the following question, asked by Ms. Fralic in response to observing a group of 12 steppers discussing their adventures in rehab while sipping beverages at a Starbucks “Why are these people not embarassed about being addicts? Ill-mannered addicts, to boot.”
Now, I am not objective in this area as I am an “addict” myself, a happily recovering “alcoholic”, however, I was surprised by Ms. Fralic’s opinions as outlined in our very interesting subsequent email converstation which I share with you below, (with Ms. Fralic’s permission btw). In further contemplation, I believe that had it been a group of drunk partiers talking about their substance use, I may have had a different reaction to the question. I kind of feel that folks attempting to work through an addiction by attending any type of program deserve respect, compassion and kudos rather than being shamed. What do you think? Please feel free to deepen this conversation with your comments below.
—–Original Message—–
From: Zoey Ryan [mailto:zoey@telus.net]
Sent: Tue 11/4/2008 9:41 AM
To: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun)
Subject: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!
Dear Shelley,
I found your article to be interesting and yet, I wonder if you aren’t
displaying a very misinformed and out dated view of “addictions” with your
question, “why are these people not embarrassed about being addicts”?
I am an addict, a recovering one and I am not ashamed or embarrassed; I have
the disease of alcoholism. Would you ask this same question of a group of
people sitting around talking about their experience of being at “diabetes
camp”, are they not embarrassed about having diabetes? I am also a mom,
married, working, healthy, happy and very open about my addiction to
alcohol! I am open about it mainly to help break apart the pervasive
socio-cultural stigma, the stigma that having an addiction is “shameful”!
Now, I too have been quietly sitting in Starbucks, sipping my latte and
feeling somewhat annoyed with the loud conversation at the next table,
however, it is usually the decibel level I find annoying, rather than the
content.
Did you consider that the “shameful” conversation of the 12 steppers, as
raw and rough as it was, may in fact act as a
catalyst for even one other person in Starbucks to attend an AA meeting and
start on the journey of recovery?
Have you ever attended a 12 step meeting yourself, I wonder?
Actually, Shelley, it is shame on you!
Respectfully,
Zoey Ryan
Ms. Ryan:
Thanks for your note.
I am well aquainted, as are most people these days, with addiction in all
its forms.
Good for you for dealing with your problem. But alcoholism and drug
addiction are, in my opinion, too readily called diseases when they are, in
reality, the sad consequences of conscious choice.
Someone who chooses to smoke crack, or drink too much vodka, is hardly on
equitable footing with a child facing leukemia or a woman with incurable
breast cancer.
A person chooses to be an addict and, hard as it is, that addiction can be
cured simply by stopping. Not so that child, or that woman. That’s the
difference for me.
As for the shame, there was a time when people who acted out, criminally or
immorally or by drinking too much, were stung by social embarrassment and,
while you don’t have to agree with me, I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.
Again, thanks for your feedback and all the best in your recovery.
Shelley Fralic
Vancouver Sun Columnist
Office: 604-605-2170
Cell: 604-833-0846
sfralic@vancouversun.com
—–Original Message—–
From: Zoey Ryan [mailto:zoey@telus.net]
Sent: Tue 11/4/2008 12:04 PM
To: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun)
Subject: RE: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!
Shelley,
Hmmm, that is a very interesting response, thank you for your well wishes
for my recovery, which is now 15 years underway.
I would say, that what is sadly missing in our society is not shame but
compassion!
Can you please advise me on how I can and can not use this correspondence?
May I post our email conversation on my blog? It is a wonderful gateway
into a deeper and more meaningful discussion about addictions.
Respectfully,
Zoey
From: Fralic, Shelley (Vancouver Sun) [mailto:SFralic@vancouversun.com]
Sent: Tuesday, November 04, 2008 11:10 AM
To: Zoey Ryan
Subject: RE: I’m not embarrassed nor ashamed to be an addict!
Zoey:
I always write emails with the notion that they might show up somewhere in cyberspace, so please feel free to post.
And please don’t misinterpret my previous response as an indication of lack of compassion for those struggling with addictions. I know how hard it is to beat alcoholism or drug addiction, but sometimes I think modern-day compassion is sorely misplaced, especially in the context of a social culture that too often encourages addicts to think their “disease” is not their fault, or that it’s out of their control, and that they are therefore excused for their actions.
We live in a time of making excuses, instead of making it right.
All the best.
Shelley Fralic
Vancouver Sun Columnist
Office: 604-605-2170
Cell: 604-833-0846
sfralic@vancouversun.com
I would love to hear your thoughts and opinion! Is an addiction a choice or a disease?
namaste,
Zoey
90Cfqr Thanks for good post