I learned a new word yesterday, “tonglen”. It was used in a blog posting in reference to a celebrity currently in the public eye and suffering and as I wasn’t familar with the word, I looked it up. I also gained a new level of respect for the blogger.
I am familiar with and have been practicing lovingkindness meditation for while but was not familiar with the word, “tonglen”.
“Tonglen means “giving and receiving.” In the Tonglen visualization, we receive, with a strong compassionate motivation, the suffering and pain of others; and we give them, with a tender and confident heart, all of our love, joy, well-being and peace. Normally, we don’t want to give away our happiness, nor do we want to take on another person’s suffering, but this not-wanting is the voice of our selfish ego. We cherish “I” more than we do “others” and thus everything we think or do has a self-centered motivation. Following our ego’s commands all the time keeps us trapped in cycles of hope and frustration, fear and disappointment.” From the “Spiritual Care” website: http://www.spcare.org/practices/tonglen.html
Learning about tonglen, which is one form of “lovingkindness meditation” was particularly appreciated yesterday. I accompanied my youngest daughter to the “celebration of life” service for her friend’s mom, also a friend of mine (Statia Michaels, October 30, 1961 ~ June 5, 2007). There was great sadness and suffering, yet in the midst of this service, Statia’s light shone through. I could almost see her, practicing “tonglen” from her place beyond.
Perhaps because I was brought up in a Christian family and culture, the Christian words, phrases and practices are less resonate right now. I feel that I have been so immersed in a Christian culture that I have become desentitized to alot of the goodness of Jesus’ teachings. Regardless, Buddhist words and phrases are resonating for me right now and for many reasons I am calmed by just thinking about the practices of tonglen (compassion), non-attachment, non-resistence and non-judgement. The mirror practices might be unconditional love, compassion and forgiveness and these practice cross all religious and spiritual lines.
I want to close with a poem by Rumi, that was included in Statia’s service yesterday, it is entitled, “Close The Language-Door”:
There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body.
Seawater begs the pearl to break its shell.
And the lily, how passionately it needs some wild Darling!
At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its face against mine. Breathe into me.
Close the language-door, and open the love-window.Â
The moon won’t use the door, only the window.
namaste,
Zoey
Zoey Ryan
coach . catalyst . shakti sage
life & business coach for women
www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com