Women: Self-Care Is Not Self-Improvement!

Love Your Self: Self Care is Not Self Improvement!

I hope you enjoy this article, have a wonderful  day and share your hippy love with your friends and family!

peace, namaste & hippy love for generations,

Zoey

Do you ever find yourself wondering exactly what does “unconditionally loving one’s self” or “self care” mean? In my coaching practice, I have many women ask me, “but isn’t it selfish to put myself first”? In the following coaching conversation I often use the phrases “motherly love” and “compassion towards yourself” as capturing the essence of self-care! Another word that fits into this discussion is “maitri.” Maitri is a Sanskrit word often translated as “unconditional friendship with oneself”.

What strikes me is that as we can develop “unconditional friendship with ourselves”, we bring compassion and gentleness into our “self-care” practice. Starting from the perspective of gentleness and respect allows life to flow forth in quite a different way than striving towards the completion of projects.

Self care is not self-improvement!

In coaching, my clients and I also talk about self-care and how the tendency is for many women to start making lists of how to improve. The lists often include: eat better, exercise more, start meditating, spend less, get organized, do more yoga, pray more, lose weight, spend more time with elderly parents and on it goes.

Self-improvement as a generalization, starts from the place of being “not good enough”, and “there’s room for improvement” and certainly, there is a time and place for self-improvement (like, say, when you have just had a heart attack and there are a whack of new lifestyle changes to make). Yet, self – improvement is different than self-care.

Self-care is about starting from the place of “I am enough, I am good enough, I have enough, there is enough, I know enough, I do enough.” Self-care is about affirming “my life is unfolding perfectly, in the right order, with the right events, in the right timing.” Self-care is soft and gentle and respectful of your basic goodness.

Now, of course there are times in our lives when self improvement is necessary and important. The key part is in recognizing in oneself if there is a pattern of “not feeling good enough” and continually playing that out in one’s life. Practicing daily “self-care” can help to shift that pattern and deepen a sense of self-acceptance, peace and fulfillment.

So, from that soft and gentle place for the month of February, here are some exercises for deepening your “self love” with “self-care”.

1. Read the descriptions of self-improvement and self care again, then stop, go inside yourself and see if you feel the difference in these two important concepts. Use the following questions to help:?• if you had to give the two concepts each a colour, what colours would you chose??• when you say the phrases self-care and self-improvement where in your body to you feel each phrase??• what does your heart say about each phrase??• what does your head say about each phrase??• hold each phrase in your hand (metaphorically), which one feels heavier??2. Write about the above exercise and your “learning”.?3. Explore the concept of friendship, and consider if you hold yourself to a higher and different standard than you hold your friends ie are you more critical of yourself than you are of your friends??4. Be gentle with yourself and notice when this is easy or difficult.?5. Celebrate your wonderful heart! You may wish to buy a new journal or buy yourself flowers or design another ritual that helps you say “I love me”!

“May your life be like a wildflower, growing freely in beauty and joy each day.”

– Native American Proverb